by Papa
(Indianapolis,IN US)

I am a father to a 16yr old son who currently has a 3.8 GPA as a sophmore and is on honor role. He is in all advanced classes currently. I had sole custody of him for most of his life. His mother and I now have joint custody. I also fathered a 4year old son with another woman and was able to see him as long as I kept her happy if you know what I mean. I have not been with this woman in a few years and dated as well as she did.

I happened to find someone within the last year that I love and have proposed to. The 4yr old's mother is not letting me see my child now. She recieves help from the government and put in an order for me to pay child support because they made her to keep recieveing benefits.

I was happy because I thought we would go to court soon and I would be able to try for visitation rights. This was august2011. It is now Janurary 2012 and I went to the child support office to try and get something going and they will not since she has a order seeking me.

I also cannot even tell them that yes I want a paternity test and to pay for and see my child. I have to wait till she goes back up there and finishes what she started. This isn't going to happen she told me. Now she is saying she is leaving state and there is nothing I can do. I'm trying to get a lawyer but due to scheduleing I have not had time off work. This sucks that even though I want to do something I can't.

She is on welfare, medicaid, recieveing SSI for one of her other children, has had a few abortions, is having another child by a different man(her 4th)and does not teach any of the children anything. My 4 yr old doesn't know how to count to 10 or abc's or any of the usual things most people teach their children.

I have always been in and out of his life due to not always giving her what she wants. I should have done all of this earlier I know but we were together on and off then I thought it would just end up like the 16yr old's mother and I and come to an agreement. Boy was I ever wrong. I also thought since she has had multiple guys since me that something would give and especially since she is pregnant with someone else's child.

Advice is do something before the mother does because if not you won't be able to do it on your own if they have filed and done nothing in 5 months.